Well my bags are packed and the car loaded - all ready for my trip away for a few days.
I'm heading off to spend a couple of nights with one of my scrappy friends before I make my way to Olympia - once I'm done there I will be whizzing up North to go see my Mom as she is undergoing surgery on Saturday.
I'm looking forward to seeing Mom and my Sisters - I just don't get to see them as much as I would like due to the distance between us....a distance which will soon be growing even further.
My Mom has decided to up sticks and move on. Its been a hard decision for her to make - selling off the family home of 40+ years - a place where the feeling of my dear old Dad still lingers - where the silly little reminders of him remain - but move she must and with her move we have to learn to let go.
The memories of a happy childhood spent there will always be with me - but it sure does feel strange knowing that this will be my last trip "home".
Hubs is being left in charge of the guys whilst I'm away - J isn't having such a good time at the moment and I wasn't sure if I should go away or not :( Having talked things through with Hubs we decided that the break away from home might do me some good....not that I will get chance to rest!
J is hard work at the best of times - his struggles with life do tend to become a lil draining at times - not that I mind - I'm his Mom and I deal with it in the most positive way I can.....Lordy if I focused on the negative issues which surround us on a daily basis I think I would have cracked a long time ago!
Day in day out I have to do things that most parents wouldn't even dream about - my boy is 12 but on his best days, functions as a 5 year old - it breaks my heart to see him sometimes - he looks like an other typical 12 year old - he is such a funny sweet boy - he is quirky - he sure is fun - BUT he doesn't even know the difference between night and day - which makes life interesting when he wakes at 3am and believes its time for school!
It amazes me that J can do so many things and yet cant cross the road safely on his own. Knowing your child will never grow to lead an independent life as an adult sucks!
Both Hubs and I have rebelled against those in the know - they told us J would never talk properly- ha - we proved them wrong and are now blessed with a little chatterbox! We are both 100% committed to making sure J gets all he needs to go on in life the best he can.....but sometimes that 100% drains just a little too much.
With battles continuing at school re the lack of differentiation I need to renew and refresh myself before I can continue the fight....I need to clear my head and find my inner strength to fight harder than I have ever fought before.....it shouldn't be this way - but it is - and not just for me - for hundreds if not thousands of families across the UK who have kids with special needs *sigh* I better put my soapbox away!
Me going away makes not difference to J at all - most children with ASD don't form attachments like any other child would - J sees me as an ends to his needs and so long as someone is there to feed and clothe him he doesn't care - that hurts - especially when all I want in life is for my boy to come and give me a cuddle just because.
So this week away is for me - a time to catch up on me being me - a time when I am not a human machine who spends her days teaching her son that 2 +2 isn't 22 or that when I say its raining cats and dogs, I don't actually mean that cats are falling from the sky!
This week I get to spend some time with my friends, my Mom, my Sisters and adorable nephews as well as spending some time helping a friend at Olympia.
It is also a time when I get to say goodbye to a place I have called home for almost 40 years.....a time to leave things behind and focus on the new.
Have a good week.